Interviewed by Peter Ma
I was born and raised in New York to a small Puerto Rican family. I’m the only boy and I have two sisters. I was a clean-cut kid who didn't look for trouble. I was athletic and played a lot of sports. But eventually, I got tired of the city life and I wanted more out of life. So right out of high school I knew I wanted to join the military.
At first, I was going to join the Air Force. An old friend of mine who I grew up with playing ball with was going to the Air Force. He wanted me to join him as his buddy. I agreed and we had to go take the Air Force exam in Brooklyn. He made it on time for the exam, but I was late that day. They wouldn't let me in to the exam no matter what I said, but this one officer there told me that I wasn't late to take the Marine Corps exam. I was late, but I was there, so I decided to take that exam instead and I passed! My friend wasn't too happy about that but I was excited.
My military life was mostly good to me. I loved it so much that I wanted to make a career out of it. I saw a little action in my first year overseas in Africa. I was stationed aboard an aircraft carrier called the U.S.S Inchon. We went port to port and thanks to God I made it back in one piece. Afterwards, I went back to the States where I got stationed in Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. There, they needed a small arms technician to repair weapons. They called me in and asked me to change my MOS, my job field. At first, I was a little nervous to change jobs, but I met this Sergeant who ran the armory where they kept all the weapons. I became his partner and he taught me everything. He was an old grumpy dude, but after I got to know him, he was actually the sweetest person you could meet. I had to prove to him over time that I knew what I was doing and over time he came to trust me. Together, we inspected any weapon from the about 200 guys in my company, Fox, that was broken down. Over 250 weapons were assigned under my name—.45 caliber pistols, M16 rifles, sniper rifles, machine guns, etc. I loved my job. I was so good at it that a newspaper company even came and interviewed me about my outstanding work.
They wanted me to stay in Camp Lejune for 7 more years, but I didn't want to stay in one base for so long, so I left. I was honorably discharged and moved back to New York with my mom. I started looking for work and found a job as a mail clerk. I didn't mind doing it as it was something new and something interesting. I was athletic and every weekend I would go play some kind of sport—baseball, softball, or football. I moved to a house by the beach. It was a dream come true, I loved being by the water. After work I would come home, throw my stuff on the floor, change into my shorts and sneakers, and head right to the beach.
However, I had an issue was alcohol. It started when I was in the Marines where I would drink to fit in with the guys. But it got too much. The alcohol got control of me. I became a full-blown alcoholic. During my 15-year relationship with my girlfriend, I had to admit myself to treatments. I never thought I would meet a woman who would put up with my drinking problem as much as she did. She was very supportive and she helped me in a lot of ways. But I lost that relationship because of alcohol. At that time, I was ashamed to admit it, but now that I look back at it, I realize I lost a good woman.
My alcohol issue after that kept escalating. I’ve been in and out of programs, I can’t even count how many I’ve been in. I always do so well in these programs, but they only last for a while. My issue is that after these programs end, I would have to go back out into the real world. And that's what I would do. I would go out and look for work. I did everything that was positive for me and I was happy. But something negative would always happen. And when it did, I would turn back to alcohol and relapse. That has been my issue even to this day.
There’s no guarantee that I’ll ever stop drinking. I know myself. I would be lying if I said I would. But I really have to stop the urge and craving to drink. I am so grateful that I have gotten a referral to go to Veterans Haven, a two-year program to help get myself together. I know that if I don't get myself together in this two-year time, nothing will help me. I’m hoping and praying that this is it. And I hope they are able to help me and put me to work. I got to find something to do so that my stinking thinking won’t be thinking about drinking. I know I have to take care of myself cause no one else can. But I just have to take it one day at a time.
I’m counting down the hours until I leave for there. And I’ll keep moving on. Keep going forward and don't turn back.